I’m not the first one to admit my marriage isn’t perfect, I am probably one of the few that would admit it though. I usually scare my wife with the titles of my blog posts but this is one she doesn’t need to be worried about 🙂
After nearly 10 years (10 year anniversary next year – yes I was told this recently and no, i didn’t remember, but i’m sure its in my ical somewhere ready to pop up a message on my macbook and email me) I can say that we have NOT made it. In marriage, I’m not sure you ever ‘arrive’ because what does arriving mean anyways? I think arriving means something different to everyone and likely its an idealistic view of what they imagine marriage to be or where they imagine it will end up.
I’m only really just realizing that us ‘perfect Gallants’ do have flaws and shortcomings though hard to admit. I’m realizing that yes it does take effort to keep a relationship going and it does take time and energy to love someone and to continue to build on the relationship that we started out with. I haven’t really come to conclusions about how much our relationship has changed, maybe thats another blog, sufficed to say, it has improved – not steadily necessarily but each day, each month, each year that passes we can point to places and times where we build up our marriage and we increased our love for each other.
A recent sermon I think it was provided me with a bit of an epiphany. Marriage is really a model of our relationship with Christ, its really not complete until we are with Him in heaven. We feeble humans leave and cleave and with us comes baggage and expectations and utopian ideas of marriage and when all conspires against our marriage, the majority opt to take the ‘easy’ route (?) by getting divorced, attempting to create again what we failed to create by marrying the first.
I think the eternal point of it is, we need to decide and keep deciding to love the other no matter what things happen, really, that is one of the end goals of marriage I think. Its practice for heaven and our covenant with Jesus.
Choosing to do life each day with 1 person and love them through happy and hard times many times comes down to a conscious decision to work at it, to make the effort. Love is a verb (didn’t DC Talk coin that one?), its an action word.
You need to DO love. Its easy to say ‘love’, its harder to DO love and that I think is the point at which people give up.
I’m happy to say Lindsey and I have chosen to DO love consciously in many ways and the end result is more of the unconscious love that flows and multiplies from conscious love.
In doubt and fear and sadness from various situations we’ve decided and discussed what to do, how to react, we’ve shared our thoughts and understood each other with patiences. And Lindsey is probably better at that than I.
I don’t think there is such a thing as a perfect marriage, show me any couple and I’ll show you trouble beneath the public radar. I used to take it for granted to a certain extent that we were perfect and our marriage just hummed along. Things don’t just hum along without fuel or maintenance – thats the car metaphor.
I’m glad my love and best friend wants to work with me and keep our love strong.